I don’t pose this poll question in gest… I kid you not, I had just gone to bed last night when I realized I could hear my neighbors giggling noisily (I guess their version of foreplay is tickling?). They then proceeded to have sex until around midnight. I could hear everything, despite our white-noise machine and having my baby blanket wrapped around my head.
So, without further ado, what should we do about our rather sexually-noisy upstairs neighbors?
A) I should say something a bit snarky so they’ll get the point without our actually having to say “We know you have sex less often than once every other week!”
B) We should offer to buy them a new mattress. Something nice that doesn’t squeak at key moments. Then we’ll just be stuck listening to the the moaning.
C) I should start banging on our ceiling at said key moments with a yardstick, baseball bat, or hammer.
D) We should ask them to buy a rug to help muffle the noise (they have wood floors and we hear them ALL THE TIME. The guy also has an annoying cartoonish laugh).
E) We should send them an anonymous (or perhaps not-so-anonymous) review of their individual performances. (”[Girl neighbor], we can tell that [boy neighbor] isn’t satisfying you fully. We suggest that [boy neighbor] try this technique…”)
F) Compete with them and try to make more noise when they’re trying to sleep. Not so compelling, because this is only a weekend option, and would require one or both of us to become screamers.
G) We should just put up, shut up, and occasionally walk around sleep-deprived, because after all, we’re out of here in about a year. Hopefully our next abode will be our own single-family dwelling.
Please vote and discuss. No need to provide your email address or name to comment.
It probably wouldn’t be as annoying if they were good neighbors. This is all the more annoying because they’re generally weird neighbors who do odd, selfish, and stupid things that affect our quality of life.
6 responses so far ↓
Lurker in the Attic // May 15, 2007 at 10:51 am
You-know-who here from Huskerville. So from the back of the house, our apartment is basically at the fourth floor. Right? We’re pretty high up there. I’m sitting at the computer, working on a paper. Its fall, I think, so the porch door was open. And I, also, start hearing noises. Being two parts curious and one part perv, I go out onto the back porch to find out who it is. The sounds were coming from the apartment building behind us and from an apartment parallel with Sarah and Aaron’s It’s night. They’ve (the other building, not S & A) got their window and curtain open and the light on. She’s laid back on the bed. He’s french kissing Mr. Lincoln (if you know what I’m saying). And they’re both making a good bit of noise.
It didn’t go on for that long, and there were no repeat performances that I’m aware of. Sarah and Aaron might have other stories as they were directly across.
Anyhow, if you are on speaking terms, I’d be tempted to drop a hint in conversation. “Boy am I tired. What were you guys doing up there last night, buffing the hardwood?”
If not, go with the broom handle. That is, unless they like the idea that you can here. At which point you might as well make it a competition.
Seacrest out.
kristinlm // May 15, 2007 at 11:01 am
Nameless lurker in the attic from Huskerville, I know who you are… Hi from us to your spouse and offspring!
I need to think of something else that squeaks like bedsprings to substitute for “buffing the hardwood,” mostly because I don’t think I could say that with a straight face.
Dan // May 15, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Go with option A. It’s embarassing, yet efficient. Just don’t be rude about it.
Say something along the lines of:
“Oh, I need to exercise more often… a problem you guys don’t seem to have, eh? eh? *prod them with your elbow* know what I mean? wink, wink, nudge, nudge”
kristinlm // May 15, 2007 at 5:13 pm
We are on speaking terms, but we’re not exactly what I would call “friendly.” Part of this stems from the fact that they are both engineers, and have rather odd social skills in general.
I’m very sorely tempted to post a sign on their door that says something to the effect of:
Dear [neighbors' names],
As great as it is that you have a satisfying sex life, it’s not so great that your neighbors know all about it. Please be considerate, try to keep the noise level down at late hours, and consider placing a rug under your bed to keep the frame’s feet from knocking noisily.
Sincerely,
Downstairs neighbors
Public embarassment might do the trick, but we’d probably not be able to ask them to look in on our cats while we’re away next month.
Freafriq // October 1, 2007 at 11:52 pm
join them. 4 is better than 2.
Kristin // October 2, 2007 at 6:21 am
It’s pretty safe to say that we’re not interested. Even if we were into groups, they’re not our type.
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